


When You Weren't Listening; alternatively titled, John Egbert You Fucking Douche I Love You

by uwagaGlasses



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Holding Hands, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension, fumbly awkward teenager makeouts, i dont know what im doing, the first chapter is a prologue, um, what do i even put here, you now know that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-29
Updated: 2012-09-05
Packaged: 2017-11-13 03:07:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/498765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwagaGlasses/pseuds/uwagaGlasses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John has never been particularly good at paying close attention to exactly what Dave says to him over chat. You could even say that he has completely missed a lot of things that he probably shouldn't have. So when he and Dave are finally able to hang out in person, and Dave realizes this, he gets a little upset. But then they decide to chill one night and have a movie night, and John finally sees some of the things that he missed.<br/>Wow that sure was a summary, wasn't it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this is sort of my first fanfiction in several years, please don't kill me okay?  
> Just.. yeah. I hope this isn't as bad as I fear it to be.

John Egbert, while being both a pranking master, and a connoisseur of spectacular movies, has failed to notice a lot of things that, frankly, are really obvious. For example; John has known Dave Strider since they were 13 years old, and in those 4 years, they have become best friends. John told Dave all about his time as a gangly pale kid going through public school trying to find a girl that might like him, or really any friends at all. John told him about how cool his dad is, even if he bakes a bit too much, and insists that no pastry ever goes to waste.  


John even told Dave all the dirty details that one time when John had a crush on Rose, decided to tell her in a fit of panic, and as a result, had his brain picked apart for 4 hours before she finally told him, “Sorry John, but you’re not quite my type.” He didn’t realize until years later, due to his previously mentioned lack of noticing obvious things, that he really, very was not her type, as most of the people considered her type were, well frankly, female. And before that day, John had never really known anyone who wasn’t straight, at least not to his knowledge. Frankly, he just hadn’t thought about it. But then he started thinking about it. And as he did, he thought aloud to Dave, the only person he figured he could trust with his budding homosexual feelings.  


When John had his first boyfriend at the age of 15, a red-headed, freckled boy by the name of Oliver, he told Dave every little detail. Every time John felt like “he’s the one!”, or they held hands, he would let Dave know. Dave was closest friend, and would always be there for John to talk to, even if sometimes his remarks were a little rude, he was always well-meaning. When John had his second first kiss, which he made a big deal out of because “i mean it was my first kiss with a BOY!!”, Dave was the first one to know. And probably the only person to know. And when John and his first boyfriend broke up, Dave was there to tell John that it would be okay, and to just move on.  


John grew up into a young man who had become so used to being comfortable telling Dave all of his secrets and insecurities and thoughts and just everything, that he really forgot to sit back and listen sometimes. He missed things so obvious that instead of talking about any of it, Dave just assumed that John knew. Because John was his best friend.  


Dave Strider was a pretty smart guy. He could kick your ass to next Thursday with or without a sword, and in the next breath, create music that could land that final kick in your gut, in the most heart-wrenchingly beautiful way a song can. And on top of it all, he could listen to you for hours, days even. He would even talk back at you, endlessly, even when you weren’t listening, especially when you weren’t listening. He was the best friend John Egbert could ever wish for, and the one person that he probably didn’t deserve as a friend. But that’s just how things go, isn’t it.  


When John and Dave first met, on some movie forum when they were just a couple of stupid 13 year olds, they were each other’s saving grace. Neither of them had friends. They were just those lonely introverted kids in the back of the class. But while John lived up in Washington state with his dad in their posh suburban domestic life, Dave lived with his eccentric, albeit wealthy, older brother, who had no idea what was considered “normal” when raising a kid on his own. Sure, they had a whole bunch of money, but until Dave was 16, the source of their wealth was always some shady thing that his brother kept from him. Finding out that his brother ran a puppet-kink specific porn blog didn’t exactly surprise him, per se, but definitely caught him off guard, and kept him on edge for the next several weeks.  


Other than the endless takeout food and his brother’s strange occupation, Dave grew up pretty normal. However, the kids at school didn’t see him this way. They saw him as that weird pale kid who never talked, never showed emotion, and most of all as the one kid you did NOT want to mess with. Dave had beaten up some kid in middle school, and it stuck with him all the way up into high school. No one wanted to get on his bad side, for fear of ending up like the other kid had, but no one wanted to get on his good side either.  


Dave spent those four years of his life pouring his whole life and heart into his best friend, letting him know every secret, even if it was covered up by layers of irony. There was not one single thing about Dave Strider that John shouldn’t have been aware of. The only problem with that was that John wasn’t even listening half the time. He took almost nothing Dave said at face value. He may have been in those conversations, yes, but there were things he just didn’t pick up on, or assumed were just another joke. After one conversation too many where Dave tried to bring up something he’d talked about previously, to find that John had no idea what he was talking about, it was time to change all that.  


John needed to sit down and fucking listen for once in his life.


	2. Chapter 1

Your name is Dave Strider, and although Houston, Texas is your hometown, born and raised and all that jazz, you’ve never been particularly fond of the place. Sure, the nightlife was great, and of course, the city could be absolutely gorgeous at just the right time of night, with the sun setting on the city skyline. But it was hot. It was really fucking hot. You have spent the last seventeen summers of your life wearing little to no clothes, laying around the apartment, somewhere between almost and very dead. School was always just a mass of too many people you didn’t care for, all shoved into a tiny classroom, where even in the “winter” season, you could sweat off five pounds just looking at your pencil. You always thought it was just average, unchangable shit that you’d have to deal with until college.

Before the summer where you truly, really fell in love with John Egbert, you had never really had a legitimate reason to consider actually leaving. Oh wait, what was that? Oh, yeah. You’re absolutely lame-o bonkers in love with your best friend. Forgot to mention that. But we’ll get back to that later. Leaving. You want to leave Houston to go sweep John off his feet up in Seattle, and that’s all you can think about for the whole summer. Your eagerness is fuelled by both your realization that you love him, and the fact that this is the first summer in years that he hasn’t been dating someone else already. It’s time for you to make your move, however unironic of a gesture it takes. What you never thought would happen is that you might actually move. 

\-----

You’re sitting in the living room, working on a song you’ve been fleshing out. Bro is sitting on the floor, repairing a smuppet, and thinking out loud at you, trying to figure out what he wants for dinner. 

“You up for thai again?” he asks you, looking up from his sewing. The smuppet in question had a large tear along the seam in its back, now half stitched up. Bro takes a lot of pride in keeping his puppets in good condition, but on the whole, it sort of creeps you out. There’s nothing like waking up to a sweet view of plush puppet ass at six in the morning, you know? You answer without looking up from your laptop.

“Dude we’ve had thai three meals in a row. My delicate digestive system cannot handle all this cheap ass pad thai you keep feeding me.” In reality, it had been more like somewhere around eight meals in a row, but those are just specifics.

“Thai it is then,” he says, setting the smuppet on the counter as he walks into the kitchen to get the phone. He leaves you alone in the living room, thank god, and you get back to mixing your track. You’ve been dabbling in some house/classical mashups, which by no means has anything to do with the fact that piano reminds you of John. That is entirely not the reason. You manage to finish up the basic melody lines, save, and close the program. Around the same time, Bro appears and asks you to come talk to him. 

His actions just now might have seemed extremely strange to you maybe two years ago, back when you hardly talked, during the time when he thought he needed to strife with you to get you to grow up right. But these days, you really are bros. You hang out and play video games and talk about stupid shit all the time. You’ve even told him about your crush on John. Your relationship with Bro really has changed a lot, now that you think about it. Two years ago, you would never even dare to tell him that you harbored sappy, emotional feelings for anyone, let alone a guy. When you first told him, he seemed less than surprised. In fact, in that same conversation, he told you that he was dating his friend Jake, and thought you knew about it already. That was an interesting day. 

You carefully remove your headphones and make your way to the kitchen. He’s waiting for you there, and you’re surprised to see him wearing and apron, getting out the ingredients for pancakes. You didn’t even know you had baking supplies in the house. Huh. He motions for you to sit down, so you pull out the stool at the counter and take a seat. 

“What happened to thai food for dinner?”

“The diversion was a ruse Dave.” This gets a quick glare from you. You may or may not have had a really shitty webcomic in the past, and it’s something you don’t like to think about, let alone talk about. Bro will never let you live it down. “So I was actually on the phone. Jake wanted me to call him back about this job he thought I’d be interested in.”

“I’m not interested in hearing about your boyfriend and whatever “jobs” he wants you to do over the phone bro.” 

“What if I told you we might be moving to Washington?” He glances up at you with a smirk. That bastard. That would mean-

“...what?”

“Well I don’t know if your tiny brain has really wrapped itself around this yet, but I kinda run a website for a living. Do you really think we couldn’t just pick up and leave? Have you really not thought of that yet? I’d have thought you’d be all over trying to find ways to go meet up with your little homo crush. Well you’re in luck, because Jake is moving up there to live with his half-sister Jade. And we are too. Congrats.” By this point, he is just starting to flip pancakes onto their second sides, and he’s laughing as he does, clearly enjoying how much you’re freaking out by all of this.

“Bro that’s not even a job, that’s just you wanting to live with that asshole you call a boyfriend.”

“At least I’m getting some.” With that, he finishes stacking the pancakes and takes a plate back to his room, leaving you to your thoughts. 

Moving to Washington. You are moving to Washington, you are going to live by John. At least you think so. Where does Jake’s half-sister even live? Whatever, just being in Washington is a hell of a lot closer than Texas. You’ll take what you can get. You’re finally going to get to make a move on John. And who knows, maybe he doesn’t live so close to where you’ll be, and if he rejects you, it won’t be so awkward. Not that that would ever happen, right? There’s no way John would do that. Right? Shit, what if he does. You don’t know what you would do. Right now, however, you do know what you’re going to do. You sit down on the couch with your pile of pancakes and pull up the Pesterchum tab on your laptop. 

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 08:28 --  
TG: yo egbert you there  
TG: ive got some pretty horrible news  
TG: and before you get your panties in a bunch  
TG: no  
TG: its not a new cage movie  
TG: hello  
TG: dude are you even fucking listening  
TG: i know youre always on  
EB: jeesh calm down!  
EB: what’s this big news you speak of?  
EB: it’s probably something ironic right.  
TG: what the hell were you even doing  
TG: probably kissing posters of mcconnehaey  
TG: you probably were werent you  
TG: you sick little pervert  
TG: i see right through you egbert  
EB: god forbid i go get the mail!  
EB: oh no the world’s gonna end because i had to go get the mail!  
TG: he didnt deny it  
TG: it must be true  
TG: this just in folks  
TG: there is a new criminal loose on the streets  
TG: keep your teenage boys and young children locked up  
TG: cause hes  
TG: John Egbert the poster molester  
EB: dude, no.  
EB: that is such a lame criminal name.  
EB: i deserve so much better than that.  
EB: i mean, come on dave.  
EB: give me a little credit.  
TG: alright alright  
TG: i give some credit where some small  
TG: very small  
TG: miniscule  
TG: amount of credit is due  
TG: youre actually hypothetically pretty alright  
EB: thanks, dave.  
EB: you too.  
EB: i think?  
TG: so uh  
EB: uh?  
TG: yes uh  
TG: uh so  
EB: whats with the uhs??  
TG: shut up im trying to uh here  
EB: fine!!  
TG: as i was saying  
TG: so uh  
TG: i might be  
TG: sort of possibly  
TG: moving into an area of the country  
TG: that is pretty damn close to this friend of mine  
TG: and that friend is you  
TG: and yeah  
TG: pretty much that  
EB: WHAT.  
TG: if you missed any of that  
TG: its sort of still up there for you to read again  
TG: just sayin  
EB: youre moving to washington!??  
EB: that is so great!!  
EB: we can finally hang out!  
EB: you know, like. in person.  
TG: oh okay sweet  
TG: i was uh  
TG: yeah sweet  
TG: we will chill so much man  
TG: we will develop frostbite from all that chilling  
TG: heh  
EB: heh?  
EB: you seem sortof... surprised?  
EB: have i unlocked some sort of secret strider emotion level?  
TG: i just didnt know if youd be cool with it  
TG: meeting irl or w/e  
TG: some people arent so psyched to find out their internet friends are becoming their neighbors ya dig  
TG: its borderline stalkerish  
EB: are you kidding, this is great dude.  
EB: we can have movie nights and get our mad bro cuddles on.  
EB: i’m making you watch con air, so prepare yourself.  
EB: oh my god this is just gonna be so cool.  
EB: wow, i’m gonna meet the real dave strider in person, there must be some sort of award for this.  
EB: how do you like your popcorn?  
EB: i know you said you hate kettlecorn, and caramel corn gets stuck in your braces, but seriously, popcorn is necessary.  
EB: dave?  
EB: hello?  
\-- turntechGodhead has become an idle chum--  
EB: wtf dude, not cool!  
EB: whatever, i guess we can talk movie specifics in the morning.  
EB: oh yeah, it is like 2 there now, you probably fell asleep.  
EB: weeeeellll goodnight!  
EB: i hope you don’t wake up to puppet ass!  
\--ectobiologist [EB] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 02:49--

You sit there, a little dazed. That certainly went better than you had hoped. You don’t really know why you stopped responding, just.. 

_Bro cuddles_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i went for the most unoriginal format wowowow im sorry  
> also i have absolutely no idea how coding on here works but this looks pretty okay i just wish i could color the text but what i know isn't working so yeah  
> ksdhg


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter turned out pretty good i think... also, i changed it from four chapters to five, because yeah

Your name is John Egbert, and this is going to be the best day ever. Your best friend for years, whom you’ve never met in real life, recently moved in with your aunt. She may live two hours away, but that’s better than nothing, right? You would have driven all the way to Texas to hang out with Dave, but your dad would never have let you go if you tried.  
Dave Strider is an interesting person to have as a best friend. You’ve been best friends with him for a little over four years now and he is the best listener you’ve ever met. You don’t think you could’ve gotten through your last break-up if he hadn’t been there for you, and finally given in and done a video call with you. Ever since that night, you’ve done at least one a week, and even when he doesn’t feel like it, you insist, because he’s sort of really attractive. He’s got this horribly pale complexion for someone who lives down south, but sprinkled around his nose and on his cheeks is and army of tan freckles. From what you’ve seen, he’s thin and wiry, but you know he works out with his brother, so there’s got to be some muscle in there somewhere. And then there are his eyes. You know he doesn’t usually show them to people, so you feel special when you get to see them in all of their ruby red glory.  


You can’t really help how attracted you are to Dave, and you know it will never amount to anything, because Dave isn’t gay. With him moving up to Washington, you hopes have been rekindled a little, but there’s really no point in hitting on a straight man. You’ve gone through _that_ before.  


The reason behind your excitement is that today is the day you will finally meet Dave in person. He’s driving down from the town Jade lives in to spend a couple of days with you and your dad in Seattle, and tonight you plan on pulling out all the classic movies you’ve always joked about watching with him. You’ve got three different types of popcorn in the pantry, ready to be popped, since he never responded telling you which type he liked. Tonight should basically be the best bro-party that ever partied.  


\-----  


Your name is Dave Strider and you cannot keep a straight face worth one single fuck right now. You are currently riding in the passenger seat of Bro’s pickup, Jade driving, and you’re about five miles from John’s house. You’re slouched down in your seat with your sweatshirt pulled up over your mouth to hide the fact that you haven’t stopped grinning for the last twenty miles, ever since Jade mentioned how close you were to getting there. You’re pretty damn nervous, if that’s even possible. You’ve never been more than a tiny bit nervous in your life, but the idea that you will very definitely be meeting John in just a few minutes has got you tied up in knots.  


When you pull into the driveway at John’s house, your stomach does some grade A acrobatics, maybe even a flippy thing with a name you’ve never heard of. You spend an elaborately long amount of time opening the truck door and slumping down onto the pavement. Just a few steps away to the door, inside of which is the one thing you really want in life right now. Just a few steps away is your best friend, and just a few steps away is your chance to make a move. You walk those few steps, and Jade waves to you out the window as she drives off. Your backpack weighs down heavily on your back, and you go for it, closing the final distance between yourself and the door. You stare at the doorbell. You can do this.  


You reach up to press the doorbell, but before you have the chance to ring it, the door swings wide open, revealing a familiar face. What you did not expect, however, was this familiar face to be half a foot shorter than you.  


“Sup John,” you offer, looking down at him and smirking. Damn it, you were going to keep your straight face, what are you doing.  


“Hey Dave! Dude you know you’re a giant right?” He punches your arm and smiles up at you. “What are you waiting for, come in.”  


You follow him into what must be the living room, and he tells you to leave your shoes by the door. As you keep following him, you can see Mr. Egbert sitting at the kitchen counter, reading a newspaper and sipping coffee. You wave, and he waves back. You consider this good enough of a gesture for your first impression on the guy.  


“I told you about the plans for a movie night right?” John asks, looking over his shoulder at you as he continues down the hall. You nod as you turn a corner. “We’re gonna watch on the T.V. in my room, ‘kay?”  


“That’s cool with me bro. Wouldn’t want Egbert Sr. imposing on our “bro cuddles” time.” You make air quotes around bro cuddles, hoping he doesn’t realize that you’re really actually hoping he was serious about them.  


“You know me so well Dave,” John whispers dramatically, feigning a swoon in your general direction.  


So you’ve now met John Egbert in the flesh, and you’re not nearly as worried as you had been on the drive over. Hanging out with John in person was exactly the same as over chat or video call, except with more real emotion, and you could punch him if you felt like it. Or maybe even hug him.  


And that is more-or-less what you ended up doing. An hour or so after John’s dad went to sleep, and after watching one or two classic 80’s movies, you decide that sneaking into the booze cabinet is definitely what you needed to do. Your intention was to get drunk, but you sort of just passed a tester-sized bottle of Captain Morgan’s back and forth for an hour, until you were a bit buzzed. You are both pretty bad at this whole teenage partying thing.  


Around the same time that you’re halfway through the bottle, John decides to put in Con Air (finally!! ive been waiting years for this moment!) and you put up with the torture, partially because of John, partially because of the booze. This is also very near to the time when John decided to move from his floor to sitting on the bed next to you, back against the wall, knee to knee with you. You glance over at him from behind your shades, but he’s staring vehemently at the screen.  


That was all fine and dandy with you, and you decide that, in his slightly buzzed state of mind, now probably wouldn’t be a bad time to make a move on him. It takes you a while, but you manage to nonchalantly move your hand to your side, and a another while altogether to pull up the courage to glance your fingers over his. He doesn’t flinch or move at all, and you figure he probably took it as an accident. You don’t want there to be any confusion in any implications you make, so you make the executive decision to just go for it. You link several of your fingers with his, and he finally turns to face you. A look of confusion can be seen on his face for a moment, before he just smiles a little and turns back to the movie. He releases your hand for a moment, only to take your hand and properly link your fingers. His hand feels nice against yours; a little bit cold, but callused from playing piano and helping roof houses over the summer. You figure this to be a huge success for the night, and are content with just that.  


It’s not til the whole bottle is gone that John gets up to hide it under his bed, stands back up, and looks you directly in the eyes for the first time since you started holding hands. He sits back down on the bed next to you, facing towards you at an angle. He reaches up to slide the shades off your face, the same shades he gave you years ago, and you let him. You look him directly in the eyes for the first time in person, and you would swear up and down that he could see directly into your soul. He looks a little bit confused, but after a moment of indecision, leans in to place a small kiss on your lips. It’s a quick kiss, and before you know it, it’s gone and you start to wonder if it ever actually happened. But no, you can see him glancing nervously down at your lips, and you know it really did.  


“I’m uhh.. I’m going to sleep now, I’m really tired,” he whispers, looking away from your eyes.  


“Yeah.. uh, I guess I will too then.” You suddenly feel like this is way more awkward than it should be, and you’re embarrassed by the whole thing. You move off of the bed and set up your blankets on the floor. When you turn the light off, you can see John laying on top of the covers on his bed, head down and eyes closed. You follow suit, but get under the covers of your makeshift bed.  


John must not have been asleep yet because a few minutes later, you hear the weight shift on his bed, and then a hand on your shoulder, pushing you over in your blankets, and he lays down next to you and awkwardly hugs you. Neither of you say anything; you just sort of accept it. In the morning, you wake up with no one next to you, and you aren’t sure if it happened at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the kudos and hits and all that stuff its kinda awesome ngl <3  
> EDIT: OH MY GOD HOW DO I EVEN GET THIS CHAPTER TO LOOK LIKE THE OTHER ONES IVE TRIED EVERYTHING IM JUST DONE IM SORRY IT LOOKS LIKE SHIT ;A;  
> EDIT: okay i think i fixed it phew


End file.
